This Space is About Me

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Tuesday December 14, 2004.

I really wanted to write about the little kid I found this weekend who was lost. But that would only serve my interests, not those of anybody else. The fact that he appeared to be left at a scenic lookout are by his mom’s boyfriend for whatever reason should be of no concern to any of you. He’s at least under the care of the state, or county, or whomever takes custody of little kids whose parents abandon them, which I’m sure is cool with everyone. But for get about him for a minute. Let’s discuss my Monday night.

Doing the football gig wears on me every week. By 5:00 I’m nervous as hell to do it. By the time I arrive, usually around 5:30 or 5:45 I’m almost sick. Which is stupid. I do very well in front of crowds. And what’s better, this gig allows me not to have to be anythig other than what I am in my own mind every day: a cynical, know-it-all smart ass who enjoys making fun of lesser people. So why do I hate starting this thing so? I don’t know, so we’ll just leave it at that.

last night was probably the best time I’ve had so far. It still started shaky, as I was afraid to get up there and start the thing. But once I did the first little spiel, all was cool. My dad was there. Christy was coming, for the first time; something we hadn’t done because we just never figured it was cool enough to get a babysitter for, but she really wanted to see me do my thing, which embarrasses me because I don’t want her to laugh, because she might be the only person in the world who makes me self-conscious, at least as far as I can name right off the top of my head. (That was not a run-on, as it contained many bridging words that made it all make sense, right Peggasus?)

So Christy came, and she kept drinking the beers so generously provided by my dad, which was funny. I did my thing, and we didn’t have to steal prizes from anyone. Then, when the fourth quarter started, Christy had to take off. I walked out with her, and as we got to the first cars, I heard, “Hey, I’m not stalking you or anything.” I’m like, WTF? Lo and behold, the Clown Prince himself had shown up to drink himself into oblivion following his final final of the semester. Awesome. I had a beer or two with Ed, and the game went until about 10:00, which is cool because I get paid by the hour, and I get to have beers. The dude who won the free beer for a year invited me to a poker night, which is where they serve said beer. I’m not sure about that, but I did tell him my fee for his winning was three cases.

So overall I had a great night. You all should really be happy for me. And forget about the little abandoned boy, I’m just exploiting him for a noteworthy vote.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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