Dorks can suck too

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Tuesday June 8, 2004.

I take part in one of the biggest annual dork rituals in existence. It’s one of those things that the world has sort of embraced, but it totally used to be super nerd central. In fact, back in the day we used to have to manage the thing by hand. Then the internet came and it put the geekiest of the geeky out of a job by automating all of the calculations and point scoring. I’m talking about Fantasy Baseball.

I started playing in 1995 with a bunch of guys from the dormss in college. We got together, picked a team, and got stats two times during the contest. Once at the All-star Break, and once after the season. There were no moves, there was no nothing. It was pretty lame. But as the internet evolved, we got into the online part of the game and it took off. Every year we got together for the draft, complete with forties and attitude. There was always plenty of smack-talking, which is incredibly funny when you see some guy half trashed off of an Olde E trying to tell you why the 7th pitcher you took sucks and is going to kill your team. Mostly, that guy as me. Actually, I think I’m the only one who ever brought Olde E to the draft. I think I’m also the only one who ever wore a costume.

Then there’s the money deal. Most guys show up and pay up, and then there’s always the one or two jackasses who fail to give their cash over at the draft, they proceed to draft shitty teams, and we never hear from them again. That sucks. But I’ve moved away from my little group of friends who started the league known as “No Canucks Fantasy Sports”. I have gone to the completely online version. And by looking at my league, you might be able to figure out what some of the problems are there. If you need further help, take a look at my opponent (let’s see if you can figure out which team is mine) this week. It’s always great to have a racist running around in the league. Yahoo hasn’t done anything about this fuck, so I’ll run a great deal of smack as soon as I finish smacking him around.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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