Grilled Cheese of Prosperity

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Monday November 29, 2004.

By now I’m sure you all have heard about the sandwich. If not, you’re in my family and only log onto the internet to read this site, which is not something I recommend, but if you must, hey, it’s cool. Anyway, the sandwich sold to that online casino made famous by naked people running on the field during major sporting events and the like. And this weekend, Fark even posted a link to a picture of the old woman from Florida with the sandwich. Great stuff. But this is where the story, and speculation surrounding it, gets interesting.

At work today, I was talking to a guy who heard the woman on the Don and Mike show, and she went off on how grateful she was to said online casino, throwing out their name every five seconds or so before Don and Mike eventually got rid of her. Now, I understand that one can be grateful for being tossed that kind of jack over a grilled cheese, but come on. There has to be something else to this.

So that’s when the guy told me that he figured, and he’d heard this from others as well, that she was into the casino for the $28,000 they paid for the sandwich. Man, she must be lucky that they would do that to forgive her debt. And how lucky that she just happened to have that sandwich stashed away in a jar with the face of the virgin facing outward and all of that. Wait a minute. We all know how this went down. But try to imagine how it actually went down.

Sitting in a conference room, the ad geeks with their goatees are brainstorming ideas. All the usual, “we’ll get that guy who owes us $15k to streak onto the field during the Grey Cup Final” ringers are thrown out. Or, the “maybe we can pay a guy to act crazy and stab a famous tennis star during the peak of her career while wearing our gear” crap. But then they realized that first, nobody actually cares about the Grey Cup because it’s in Canada, and second, somebody beat them to it. So the wheels keep turning. Then, the light shines on one star in the room, who proclaims that the way to get some pub would have to be to create a genuine (sort of) Catholic “vision.” That would be it. But what?

For starters, I offered up my hunk of body of Christ (link works now) with an easily commisioned drawing of God straight from the hand of a five-year-old who has no idea who God is, which could maybe perhaps qualify as some sort of vision, but I’m no expert in Catholicism (see previous link for more on that). Also, I don’t owe them any money. But then the idea comes up that they could produce a grilled cheese sandwich with Mary on it, put it on ebay to generate a shitload of weblog posts about it (and what better demo to hit that internet savvy dorks with too much time on their hands looking for ways to spend recent AdSense earnings?), then buy the thing to cover said old lady from Florida’s debt, get her to tour the nation with your gear on, have her pimp the shit out of your casino on radio and television, even have the freaking church examine it, through the plastic, obviously, then disappear and come up with the next big idea.

The trouble is, you have to keep getting better, and this is pretty good. What’s next?

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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