How to quit smoking

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Wednesday May 26, 2004.

I needed some cash for a going-away lunch for a guy at work tomorrow, so I saw the perfect opening to pick up s little beer in the process. Christy asked for some Cherry Garcia, so the stage was set. I cruised to the local Yo. The usual guy was working there: long hair, many tattoos, also known to some as the local weed pusher. He’s actually a pretty funny guy and makes great conversation to the customers for the most part. Then he goes into the “I told my buddy that if he didn’t want the cops to find his stash theat he shouldn’t threaten to kill his girlfriend and himself and get into a standoff” thing. That’s usually when I hit the road. Tonight the two of us were smack in the middle of a gem of an affair.

I got in line after selecting my 22oz. Bass Ale. I also had the Cherry Garcia. The guy in front of me had walked in and gone straight to the counter. Cigarettes. Only he didn’t ask for cigarettes, he asked for flavored cigarillos. Then he asked the guy who works there if that was alright. true to form, the counter dude replies, “I don’t have to smoke the shit.” Immediately, Cigarillo Man goes on the “I feel like such an ass” defensive. “They’re great for people who don’t like to smoke,” was what flew out of his mouth. the counter guy looked at me, I laughed. I come out with “If you don’t like to smoke, why are you buying that crap?” Never mind the fact that the only people those things are made for are high school dumbasses who want to think it’s some sort of sophisticated crap to break out the vanilla Swisher, or the (even more heinous) cherry Swisher at some party and stink to all hell for days afterward. Those guys or girls. I just laughed at teh logic of buying a particular type of smoke to avoid smoking.

He then attempted to clarify by telling us that they were better than cigarettes because he didn’t have to buy a whole pack. Counter guy politely informs him that the four he just bought amounted to more than a pack of cigarettes. So then he looks at me, with my beer and ice cream. “Look at you,” he says, “you’re buying beer and ice cream!” “First off, the ice cream isn’t for me, and I’m not trying to tell anyone that I hate drinking.” He shoots back with “everyone has their vices,” and bails. A good laugh was had by all in the store immediately thereafter.

I want to send my sincere thanks to the dude buying cigarillos for not only providing me with live entertainment for about 45 seconds, but for also bailing me out as a writer on the internet. I had no freaking clue what I would do tonight until I met him.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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