I'm out

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Tuesday December 7, 2004.

I could never last in a cabinet position. You know, like the Clinton appointee who got run through the gauntlet for hiring an illegal nanny or some shit. Today, I paid someone under the table for work done at my house. He didn’t watch my kids or anything where young mids might be corrupted by a foreigner or anything like that. He just killed the shit out of some really hated things growing around my house.

Somaila is here from Mali, and he’s staying with a crazy guy I know, who happened to live in Mali whilst a member of the Peace Corps a few years back. Somaila comes from said crazy dude’s village while he was there, and has saved enough cash to hop on a plane, for the first time, and spend most of December in cold-as-shit Reno, Nevada. Sucks for him. But the folks he’s staying with are trying hard to help him earn a little cash and go home a rich man.

The dude took out some really nasty bushes which have been, you know, thorns in our sides for a long time. One was this thing with thorns in the side which leaks some sort of poison and grows so goddamn fast that I had to trim it at least twice a year. And even when I was using the electric trimmer it didn’t trim well. Screw that bush. The other was a hideous thing near our garage that was described to us as a bush that’s considered a weed in prettier places on the planet, like Washington. That’s gone now, too.

Luckily, I haven’t been crawled recently by the IRS servers, so I should expect to stay out of trouble for a while. But if any of you are elected president at any point, and you want to hire me for some sort of cabinet gig, save the country the trouble, because they’ll find out, and it won’t be good to have to go on TV to explain myself.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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