Who Knew the President was Compensating?

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Friday July 30, 2004.

We here in Nevada, a “swing state” have had the opportunity to witness a visit from both the president and vice president this year. In keeping with the mentality of a small state really, desperately, looking to claim some sort of clout (which won’t ever happen until we start acting like a state with clout, as opposed to a state who wants clout), the local news was all over the president’s visit, and now Cheney’s visit today and tomorrow. They are pimping the shit out of Cheney right now on my news channel, and also making sure to mention that John Kerry’s only visit that is for sure coming to Nevada happens to be in Las Vegas. Apparently, Cheney planss to get off the plane, possibly not even step on the ground between the staircase from the plane to the limo, go to the Reno Hilton, get completely shitfaced in his room with a few hookers (they’re calling it “personal time”), get up, slam some hangover medicine, hit the craps table, speak to some old veterans, and bail. Hell, as I watch him try to walk down the staircase, I think he’s hammered already. Welcome to Nevada, Mr. Vice President.

But the real reason I decided to talk about the visit today is that I now understand the difference between being president and vice president: the planes. The president gets to roll around the world on Air Force One, equipped with two freaking kitchens, practically enough cooking space to provide the UN with meals (or, if you took the diplomats out of those countries, enough cooking power to feed all of Africa), a crew of 26, and in addition to all the accomodations for the press, crew, and others, a suite complete with an office, for the president.

With as grand as Air Force One seems, Air Force Two seems stupid. I saw it taxing up to the drop off point for Cheney, and it looked like a limp little hot dog compared to the big, thick, bratwurst that is the Air Force One 747. In fact, I can’t even find a web page devoted to Air Force Two. WTF? Is the vice president that lame that he doesn’t even get a tiny bit of pub for his plane? Weak stuff, man. And I know that a lot of you answered “yes” when I asked about lameness. But I thought he was the one really running the show. Anyway, I feel bad for Old Man Cheney now. He looked bitter, crippled, tired, and like he might have a heart attack trying to get off the plane tonight. I totally understand why he told that Lame senator to “f” himself. I would if I had that shitty plane too.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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