Luckiest Dude Ever

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Tuesday July 19, 2005.

I swear the next post will be about the rest of the Mexico trip, as long as I can find the damn piece of paper where I wrote the trip down.

Over the weekend, if I hadn’t been dragged to an engagement party for Christy’s friend, I would have been at home timing my iTMS purchases to score myself the 10 iPods those clowns at Apple gave away for the half-billionth song purchased. But instead, I was taken to some place where I really didn’t know anyone, and was forced to drink Mai Tais from a freaking champagne fountain (and for those of you who read this and think I’m a lightweight, you know who you are, I’ll have you know we ran out of rum long before we ran out of the pineapple juice, hence a trip to the store to purchase rum, thanks, Christy and Lisa!). The party was a’ight. I met a couple of pretty cool people. And out of about 25 people in attendance, I think I did well by only completely ignoring 17 of them.

But screw the party. I’m here to talk about the luckiest guy ever. See, I was determined to download that half-billionth song, but the numbers just didn’t seem to line up with what I was doing. What do you mean?” I hear you asking. It all went down, according to Apple, at 14:44 on Sunday the 17th. I’m not even sure what time zone that means. I’ll assume Eastern, but that’s beside the point. See, with the Mai Tais, I slept until about 13:00 EST on Sunday, rolled out of bed, went to get breakfast, then cruised home at about 15:00 to watch the freaking Dodgers lose yet again on a home run by the worthless Michael Tucker. My GOD I hate that guy. I seriously hope that when I see them play in September, someone domes his ass. The way he flipped his bat up after hitting that thing just kills me. Again, off the point.

The luckiest dude ever is none other than one Peter Gill of North Kingstown, Rhode Island. Do you know him? Tell him I think he’s the man. Why? Because he will forever be immortalized on this page as the dude who downloaded “Ass Like That” from Eminem. Who doesn’t want to be known for that? And let’s face it, the internet is forever. And before you make fun, don’t count out that there were far less lucky people involved in the whole ordeal. Like, how many idiots downloaded “American Idiot” by Green Day. And before you spam the shit out of me with “Green Day Rulezzzzz!!!11!1” crap, remember that Green Day has been featured on many non-sell-out shows like Friends and Alias in recent months. Screw ‘em. Plus, there were a ton of dudes who downloaded Kelly Clarkson stuff. Now, I loves me some Kelly, but I would never download it under my own name. I totally use The Girl’s account for that crap.

I’m not sure the iPod Mini, which I want, is worth it. There are people on that list who today believe they made a solid choice in their winning download. They’re wrong. Way too much of that music b;lows, and everyone on the planet will agree in the next year or two. Unless they’re from Canada. But who the hell cares about Canada, seriously?

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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