Boring Slideshow, Part 1 of Many

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Thursday June 30, 2005.

Sorry I forgot to tell y’all, but I went on vacation. Not a “hiatus” or any of that shit. Hell, I think I’m on permanent hiatus for about ten days at a time this past six months. Irregardless (I love using words that aren’t words because my wife is a word person, and I’m a dick), we decided a few months ago that we should leave the kids with someone we sort of know and head to the furthest reaches of Mexico. So we did. I hope the kids are okay. It’s tough when you leave them with someone with no phone and you’re several thousand miles away. Actually, it’s not all that tough. I’m having a great time.

If I’d been on the top of my game, I’d have been writing every day so I could pass along everything I’ve done on this trip. But I’m not on my game, and even in this age of the internet I have not been able to pass along on an updated basis the minute details on my vacation. Sorry about that. But you can blame my resort for that one. Why? Because they are charging $5 per 15 minutes for the internet. Bastardos (That’s Spanish; I learned it here). So, I’ve taken to the age-old method of writing things down on paper to write about when I get home. And let me tell you something. It hurts. It’s been so damn long since I’ve used a pen and paper for extended periods of time that I’m a bit out of shape.

We are currently hanging around with about 4,000 other people at this place called the Aventura Spa Palace south of Cancun on the Mayan Riviera. When it’s not raining, it’s hot as shit down here. Just ask Christy and her lobster-looking ass. Seriously, she got her ass burned. Not that I didn’t, but it’s funnier on her than me. Plus she seems to be in more pain than I am. Anyway, this place is what you call an all-inclusive resort. What does that mean, you ask? It means that I can order fifteen drinks at a time, take a sip of each one, throw out the three that I don’t like, and finish the remaining twelve. Then, I can go to my room, order six filet mignons, pass out and not eat any of them, and it’s all paid for. Pretty damn cool, huh? Not that twelve drinks could make me pass out, though. Also, we get our fridge stocked with beers and bottled water. We can stash a bunch of them, then they come by and refill it, so we can have a serious party after hours around here. Awesome. PLUS, there is this cabinet on the wall that has Cuervo, Bacardi, some brandy and some scotch that I can pull shots from whenever I damn well feel like it.

That should do it for now. Hope the rest of you are having a great time at work and all that business. I’m having a great time here, and I should be home soon. That’s when you really get to hear what goes on down here.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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