Boring Slideshow, Part 3 of Many

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Wednesday July 20, 2005.

As promised, the recap of the hotel stay, only I still can’t find my damn notes. If anyone sees an orange piece of paper with things like, “busted-up hand guy,” and “Reynaldo the cocktail-slamming bartender” written really poorly on it, send it to me, I need it for this post. I guess it might be better if I just recite from memory, since that’s probably the best stuff anyway.

We got to the place, settled in with a glass of champagne, which was thrown at us as soon as we exited the van (awesome). Checked the room out. It wasn’t as big as I expected, but I never really care about that crap when dealing with hotel-type places anyway. Besides, if you haven’t seen the tub yet, you’re not paying attention. Anyway, inside the room, was the coolest thing. See, we were at an all-incluzive place, so that means everything was included, even the mini bar. Sorry for the blurry stuff, I think I took the shot later in the evening and had imbibed a bit, but who can blame me?

The next day, we walked around the place to check it out. It was enormous. Two pools, helluva people, and bars everywhere. But the topper is this. We figured, since we did an adults-only resort, there’d be a far more relaxed atmosphere around the place. But the first song we heard, and one that will forever live in our minds as a reminder of Mexico, was What’s Happnin! by the Ying Yang Twins. AWESOME! There were drunk dudes hitting on chicks, dumbshits diving off the bridges, getting screamed down by the hotel employees, almost fighting, chicks being taken away in wheelchair because they couldn’t walk, and even an exchange that went like this:

Girl to guy 1: “You’re touching me in dirty places, I like it!”
Guy2: “Hey, leave my wife alone!”
Crowd: laughter

Fake boobs were everywhere. It led me to ask myself, more than once, “Do chicks with fake racks like the greater Cancun area, or are chicks with fake racks most likely to be invited to the greater Cancun area?” I’m still not sure, because I never really got close enough to ask any of them. Also learned on that day: people from Illinois talk a lot. Sure, the dude was cool enough, but when the other three people from his posse were trying to leave, he should have shut the Illinois yapper and moved on. But no, he had a few more poolside cocktails with the Jerz people and kept talking. It was cool, though. He was a farmer. Who does he talk to?

Outside of that, we did the standard fare. We visited the ruins at Tulum. Check the rest of what I deemed viewable by the public at this spot.

As a final note, I want to say a few words about Hurricane Emily. It’s hit the area where we stayed hard, including Puerto Aventuras, which is exactly where we were. We’ve followed it closely since we saw Playa del Carmen on the news. We spent a day there, and for anyone traveling that way, you must check it. It’s a cool place. Plus, this guy lives there. Support him, or he’ll shoot someone.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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