New Vocabulary Day

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Saturday February 12, 2005.

As I have started doing more often these days, I was continuing my Dynasty™ in NCAA® Football 2005 on the Gamecube™. It’s tough to put down when you’re so dominant that you lord over the entire college football world for 45 minutes at a time. Plus, I gave my coach character a mullet, so I enjoy just seeing him on the screen. But sometimes the game can be a bit frustrating, like the other night when apparently every plug on the power strip behind the TV was hanging on by a thread and I got up at halftime to look behin there bcause the wireless network was down and I accidentally unplugged the Gamecube™ with the score something like 24-0 me and had to start over and everything that could possibly go wrong did and I barely won the game on a last second touchdown by my Heisman Trophy candidate running back. Needless to say, I was upset at that.

Because I was so upset, I tended to say things when my receivers were dropping passes when they were wide open for first downs in critical situations. Christy tried to remind me that it was only a game, but I 1) don’t care, and 2) regularly tell her to “shut up, you don’t understand” in those situations. Anyway, some of the words flying forth from my mouth were quite interesting. “Assbag,” “monkeyspank,” “bitchlicker,” etc. And believe me, those freaking receivers gave me plenty more opportunities to get more colorful. But those are words I tend to either use or think a lot of the time. And I want to share them with you, my subjects in the Kingdom of Jerz®. So I have decided to put together a table with potential word combos on them. You will see two columns. The first is the first part of the combo word. The second is the second part. Mix and match as you see fit, but beware; not all combos are workable or even sound cool. So this is a “combine at your own risk” kind of thing here. Here goes:

monkey
ass
dick
bitch
butt
testicle
taint
sack
licker
smoker
spank
clown
bag
ass (awesome word)
taint
slap

As you can see, several of the words work well both ways. Also, feel free to add your own here if I have left them out. I’ll even attribute them to you* when I update the list. So next time you’re in traffic and some guy (or girl, which is far more likely) makes you really mad, or the voters in the media seem to think that a 20 game win streak and having won the freaking national championship last year and consistently bitchslapping the opposition in a strong conference not only don’t warrant a unanimous number one ranking, but actually warrants a number 2 ranking, go ahead and use one of these words. I really don’t mind. All can be used as nouns, and many can be verbs as well. That’s the beauty of inventing a language. Enjoy.

* Maybe

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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