Poor, Hapless Expos

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Tuesday September 28, 2004.

While drinking one of man’s finest pleasures, I had the pleasure of reading an article about the fate of the Expos. Apparently, either they will be moving to D.C. or the city will be having a gigantic celebration for absolutely freaking nothing. My guess is that they’re on their way to the Capital. But doesn’t D.C. have a history with baseball already?

That’s right. They’ve already had two teams in that town, and it hasn’t turned out so well in the past. First, they had a team from the 1800’s until the end of the 1960 season, when they became they moved to Minnesota and became the Twins. Then, immediately, a new team formed in D.C. only to fail again and move to Arlington, Texas to become the Texas Rangers. Finally, after two failures in D.C, Major League Baseball seemed to have found a little sanity and they did not put a team there.

But now they have lost their mind again. With teams in great cities, like Las Vegas (a city I don’t particularly like, but I feel it definitely could do great things for a major league level franchise) and Portland, Oregon (a city I find pretty damn cool) vying for the lowly Expos, MLB has chosen to move the team to D.C., which is awfully close to Baltimore, a city that isn’t exactly knocking the turnstiles down to get into Orioles games. I read the article, sighed, and went on to explain my disappointment to Christy, who responded with, “Isn’t that like continuing to give foster kids to crack addicts?”

Oh my God. It is exactly like that. In fact, what better place to continue that tradition than Washington, D.C.? Isn’t D.C. the town that had a mayor who not only was busted for having an awful lot of crack, and an awful lot of hookers in a hotel room? Wasn’t he then reelected? YES!! So it fits perfectly that Major League Baseball would continue to baby the crack addict that is Washington, D.C.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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