Tom Green, Sacklicking Taintspanker

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Monday September 19, 2005.

I never liked the dude, so I guess this fits. Tom Green sucks a lot. Not only does he suck, but he has this idea that if someone calls him the suckboy that he is, he can fire back in a sucky way to score points. That sucks.

So here’s the deal. Ed wrote that post linked above, like, 5 months ago. Sucky T picks up on it, like, last week and decides to call Ed out on his “blog” because Ed is all small-time and posts from home. So, T, what’s a blog, exactly? Does it not count if you’re doing it from home, and not on the dime of some crappy studio who forces you to write so you can promote your next stoner movie that only holds any interest because there tend to be racks flying all over the place on occasion? And I can’t even link to Shumpy Green’s post because his shitty blog doesn’t even have permalinks. What, is he worried that he’ll say something the world realizes exposes his talent and we’ll overload him with hits and point out his crapdom?

Also sucky, is that in the same post where he calls Ed out, he begs his readers to come up with a cause for him, and presumably all the other dipshits, to rally around. Like “illegal shark hunting.” Yeah, we should totally ban illegal shark hunting. Why haven’t we done that yet? Probably George Bush’s fault. He supports illegal shark hunting. I’d love to check out how the poll is going, but there aren’t any damn comments. Wonder why. Couldn’t be because he just gets too damn many messages from people already telling him that he needs to post more, because he’s fucking brilliant, could it? I’m guessing no. Odds are, he wore out his mouse hitting the delete key on all the people telling him how much suck he was generating in an already sucky place called Hollywood. And if you suck enough to get noticed there, you’re pretty shitty.

Thanks, Tom, for getting me involved in this one. I always appreciate the opportunity to rail on a forgotten suckiness.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

Archive | About