I won't spell something as a witty title

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Wednesday June 2, 2004.

Not to go to the Ed card of insulting people for laughs, but it’s that time of year again, and Wonkette has just reminded me of how much fun this time can be. That’s right, it’s spelling bee time. This might have warranted a mere mention on the sideblog, but then I remembered that I too was once a spelling bee kid. Folks, mrjerz holds down back-to-back district championships from my elementary school days in the greater Los Angeles area. I could bring it as a kid. For two years running I was the mst feared speller in all of the Sulphur Springs School District. And I did not disappoint. My mug was all up in the paper with captions like, “Fourth grader Ryan Jerz (above) puts the wood to the competition in last Tuesday night’s district spelling bee,” or “Fifth grader Ryan ‘The Rammer’ Jerz swiftly dispatched his competition with surgical precision by outspelling the hell out of them to win his second district spelling bee championship in as many years.” I was huge in the Santa Clarita Valley. But in my day, the district championship was the end of the road. I didn’t get a chance to go to Washington and flash my grill on ESPN.

These days the kids have it all: fame, glory, pulling chicks. They are awesome. And while I thnk that piece quoted by Wonkette might be just slightly mean-spirited, it is grounded in some basis of truth. Not only are the kids a tad spazzy, but they take the spazzy kids and put them on a channel that is supposed to be showing sports. sports usually have a ball, usually take some sort of physical ability to play, and usually don’t have animals actually doing all the work. The only thing that qualifies Spelling Bee as a sport is it’s lack of animals. But I like to think of it as needing two to actually count. So the bottom line is it should not be on ESPN.

Also, I don’t usually do what I’m about to do. In fact, this will be the first time I grab a CD, rip it, convert the track to an AIFF file, edit it, save it, and convert it to an mp3 file all to bring entertainment to my readers. But I had to make an exception today. If I had not been reminded of spelling bee season, I never would have brought you The Euonym Girl. Enjoy.

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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