You can only hope to contain them

Posted by Ryan Jerz on Thursday May 10, 2007.

Updated Messenger link below

Apparently, they’ve taken over Reno already, but who knew they’d soon be attempting to take over Major League Baseball? I’m talking about the “bros” of course. The flatbillers. They’re everywhere. But the one place I had always hoped would stay free of them is now being taken over.

As far as I can tell, it started with Washington Nationals closer Chad Cordero. I can understand it. He’s from Upland (side note, those guys produce a lot of pitchers). And he went to a state school. No offense to my cousin Andy. It all does add up, though. The sum is “bro.”

Randy Messenger (pictured) is the other that I’ve found. I spotted Randy as he pitched for the Marlins against the Braves earlier in the season. I couldn’t believe my eyes. What was that hat doing there? The name rang a bell, too. Messenger on a pitcher that looks pretty young can’t be that common, right. Nope. Randy is a local kid. He was drafted in 1999 out of high school. His bio says he’s from Reno, but there is more to that story.

Randy may have been born in Reno, but he was taken in the draft out of Spanish Springs Sparks High School. That’s not in Reno, non-locals. That’s in East Reno. You got it, one of the two confirmed “bros” in big league baseball is a son of the city of Sparks. Congrats, Sparks.

We need to take a lesson or two away from this. First, Sparks needs to step it up just a bit. Stop producing these guys and your city won’t keep looking bad. Second, until that happpens, I’d like to offer Major League Baseball some advice. Please don’t draft any more of these Sparkies, okay? It hurts Nevada.

As for the “bro” proliferation, can anything be done? I used to joke that white trash was the new cool. Case in point: PBR, hoodies, sagging, and shaved heads. I have done a few of those (PBR and I wear a Nevada hoodie or two), so even I am not immune to the disease. But when the sacred clubhouse that has long thrived on tradition and conformity can fall to the flat bills, we may have lost all hope. Somebody hurry, get these two guys traded to the Yankees. Don’t they need some pitching right about now?

Update

For all the Giants fans

Ryan JerzRyan Jerz is an all-around good guy who wants people to eventually refer to him as "that dude who climbs mountains."

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